Mo’Kelly wants his invitation to Tracey Edmonds and Eddie Murphy’s wedding and he wants it NOW! It doesn’t matter if neither the bride nor groom want Mo’Kelly in the house…Mo’Kelly wants his invitation and with a quickness.
Hurry, hurry…chop, chop!
For all of you out there who somehow thought the wedding of Tony Parker and Eva Longoria was the wedding of the decade…think again. For all of you who might have thought the “wedding” of Usher Raymond and Todd ERRR Tameka Foster was the event of the decade…you’ve got another thing coming.
For anyone who loves a good train wreck, the wedding of Tracey E. McQuarn Edmonds and Edward Regan Murphy must be put on your calendar.
Y’all know Mo’Kelly LOVES a good train wreck and this is shaping up to be a perfect storm of celebrity, babymamas, paternity suits and pre-op trannies.
It’s likely that Eddie’s publicist, Arnold Robinson over at Rogers & Cowan is on suicide watch even as we speak. But before you do anything too rash Arnold, send Mo'Kelly his invitation post haste! Mo'Kelly doesn't care if this could be an absolute nightmare for you...Mo'Kelly wants to see the train wreck firsthand!
It doesn’t matter if both Murphy and
High comedy.
Could you just imagine what this wedding would be like?!
(Guests have filed in and seated respective to their connection to the would-be groom or bride. The wedding procession begins…)
(The flower girl Johnny Gill walks in, 
dropping rose petals for the bride to walk upon when she enters. Johnny eyes a dapper Eddie Murphy standing tall with his groomsmen…which include his “carpool friend” ‘Shalimar,’ who is dressed in a half-suit/dress ensemble. The Flower Girl begins to sing…)
“My, my, my…my my my my…you sure look good tonight. And you’re so damn fine! Oh and you’re alright lookin’ too Tracey.”
(Mo’Kelly Factoid – My, My, My was written by Babyface – Ironic?)
…but back to the wedding.
“Put on your white dress, and slip on your high heels…”
(Charlie Murphy enters with a small camera crew, stands off to the side and begins…)
“Hello there, Negroes and Negrettes. I am your host, Charlie Murphy and welcome to…’Hot Ghetto Mess.’ Today, Black people…I get a new sister-in-law. A new sister-in-law who “allegedly” was caught creepin’ in the act by her ex-husband Babyface (he's over there on the organ) and now she’s marrying a man, my brother, who just fathered a child with a Spice Girl…and then denied it. People, we GOT to do better.”
(The Flower Girl gets more and more emotional.)
“Eddie…put your nightgown on, let your hair hang low. Step in our room, I'm in the mood, to love you all night long. You got me sayin' My, my, my, my My-my-my My my my my my A-my, my A-my, my A-my, my M-m-m-m-my m-my, my my My my my My my my muhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”
(Arsenio Hall stands up from his seat; clapping in exuberance…a tear runs down his cheek. He points his extra-long index finger at the Flower Girl.)
“SAAAAANG Johnny, you sang that song!”
(Eddie becomes visibly uncomfortable and facially tries to get Johnny to “tone it down.” The bridesmaids start to file in…Johnny sings a different, more ‘uptempo’ song for their processional.)
“Can you feel…EDDIE, the magic in my hands, when I touch…and rub you the right way?!”
(Johnny again looks deep into Eddie’s eyes)
“Stroke…applied with tenderness. When I hold…and rub you the right way! Pump pump it up!”
(Arsenio stands back up.)
“Eddie, you and Tracey remember to hold on to God’s unchanging hand. He helped Joshua…fight the battle of
(The bride, Tracey “
“She's your Queen-to-be. A Queen-to-be forever. A Queen who'll do whatever his highness desires. She's your Queen-to-be. A vision of perfection. An object of affection to quench your royal fire. Completely free from infection. To be used at your discretion. Waiting only for your direction. Your Queen-to-beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.”
(Tracey makes it to the altar and stands next to Eddie. The minister presides over the ceremony without interruption or uncomfortable moment. The loving couple exchanges vows and then the minister admonishes the guests…)
“If there is anyone here, who has any reason why these two shouldn’t wed, speak now or forever hold your peace.”
(There is a slight pause…then Mel B. walks in with the Eddie Murphy lovechild and yells from the back.)
“I object! That’s my babydaddy!”
(“Shalimar” steps out of line from the groomsmen.)
“I object! Who’s Your Tranny?!”
(Arsenio stands up, points his extra-long index finger at Shalimar.)
“Girl, you look so good, someone ought to put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit. Sexual Chocolate!”
(Babyface stands up from behind the organ and serenades Tracey.)
“I object too…Tracey, when can I see you again? When can my heart beat again?
When does the pain ever end? When do the tears stop from running over?
When does 'you'll get over it' begin?”
(Tracey finally speaks up.)
“Babyface…Negro, I don’t love you anymore. I love Eddie…or at least I think I do. Scary Spice needs a good man and brotha you need a hug, so you two go make it happen. I’m not picking on you…but I love Eddie…I think. So get over it.”
(Babyface pauses, then…)
“I hear what you're saying. But I swear that it's not making sense.
So when can I see you, ooooowhoohooooooooo?”
(Charlie breaks in)
“This is truly a Hot Ghetto Mess…I’m your host Charlie Murphy. People, we GOT to do better.”
(The Flower Girl becomes offended and indignant.)
“Eddie, I object too…don’t you know,
(The flower girl rips off his shirt, exposing his chest and starts doing “The Running Man” as he sings.)
“I’ll be your bridge over and through troubled waters, you’ll never have to face it alone.
And when the world seems to treat a you unfair. Baby, for you I’ll always be there.
I won’t be no fair-weather friend
I’ll be there till the end.
Even through stormy weather,
Time and time again.”
You damn right I object. Tired of these damn flowers anyway.”
Arnold Robinson, you HAVE to invite Mo’Kelly to the wedding. Just let Mo’Kelly know the time and place and he will be there, gift in hand.
RELATED:
Johnny Gill Was NOT the Best Man!
An Open Letter to Johnny Gill (and Those Like Him)
The Mo'Kelly Report is an entertainment journal with a political slant. It is meant to inform, infuse and incite meaningful discourse...as well as entertain. The Mo’Kelly Report is syndicated by Newstex. For more Mo’Kelly, http://www.mokellyreport.blogspot.com. Morris W. O'Kelly can be reached at mokellyreport@sbcglobal.net
and he welcomes all commentary.
10 comments:
Oh my sweet baby Jesus!! I had no idea where you were leading me but I followed you nonetheless, getting more and more tickled with each paragraph. I never laughed so loud while sitting alone at home. It's a good thing I didn't read this while at work, otherwise I would have been fired!
I wonder if Tracy or Eddie have any "real" friends. Is there anyone in their camp with any sense? Engaged after, what, 3-4 months? WTH? This has to be a business "arrangement".
OMG
You are wicked. Totally wicked. Hilarious.
You had too much fun with this. Too much fun.
I was LMAO.
Now, you have used every 'rumor', ahem, applied to both of them in here.
Mr. Kelly, this is priceless.
It's been obvious for quite some time now, that Eddie Murphy is a moron. I'm hoping that his career is on it's downward spiral to a tremendous, fiery crash from which it can not recover. (I don't know how popular the "Daddy Day Care" movie was, but I think that Cuba Gooding Jr is the one who's face is on the poster of the apparent sequel, "Daddy Day Camp". Please, let this be a sign!) Actually, to use Mo'Kelly's phrase, I hope that the engineer(Eddie Murphy) of this particular train wreck(Eddie's acting career and popularity) is killed on impact, taking with him any passengers whose (careers) were close to him, and that all the baggage (idiotic drama) is lost, never to be recovered.
Stop It! ha ha ha ha ha
This is highly hilarious! LMAO
Tracey Edmonds, you've got some explaining to do about "whose your caddy"
All of this group is just too much!
http://whosemedia.com/drums/2007/08/03/who-is-david-mcmillian/
This comment is to Tracy, do you marry everyone that you sleep with.
Baby Face seems to be a good man and why keep his last name if you don't want him. Are you just a GOLD DIGGER. Or a TRAMP.
OUCH! You can't call someone a gold digger and/or a tramp and sign it "anonymous."
We stand behind what we say between these walls.
If you say it...claim it!
But the question of why Tracey continues to "use" the name of "Edmonds" is a legitimate one.
Mo'Kelly has put in requests to interview Tracey...not expecting any response.
That was sooooo funny!
I love your site, although I can't read it as much as I would like, which is why I'm always responding to your posts all late and wrong. LOL!
Thank you Stacey...might I recommend you subscribe to the email blast. That way you can just pick and choose the days you swing through...
Respectfully,
Morris
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