Story HERE
What better way to close the year than to tell the story of one Laura Zuniga. If you haven’t heard the news, Laura is the 23-year-old reigning Miss Hispanic America and Miss Sinaloa 2008.
Meaning, she’s hot.
WAYYYYYY hot.
But that’s only HALF of the “news.” Earlier this week, Zuniga was busted for handguns, semi-automatic rifles and $53k in cash.
That's the "other" half of the news.
Meaning...when she’s not practicing her “impromptu” answers on how to make the world a better place she is cutting her product and cutting major drug deals in her native land of Mexico.
Yes, nothing like a beauty queen moonlighting as the female/Mexican version of Tony Montana or Pablo Escobar. Couldn’t you just imagine how Zuniga might have fared in the Miss World or Miss Universe pageant? Or better yet, what did the “talent portion” of the Miss Hispanic America showcase of Zuniga’s “skills?”
(Random yet ubiquitous uber-macho Latin male pageant host holds up a microphone to announces the next contestant. Non-Spanish-speaking viewers at home watch the English translation dart across the bottom of the screen.)
“And now, Laura Zuniga, of Sinaloa will come to the stage and share her extraordinary talent of…”
(He turns and looks to a stage director off-stage)
“Is this right, this isn’t a mistake?...ok, if you say so. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Sinaloa’s own Laura Zuniga as she shares her talent for…(pause)…consummating a drug deal.”
(crowd offers smattering of confused applause, Zuniga wheels out a glass table, a credit card, one single brick of cocaine, razor blade, 9mm handgun, a semi-automatic rifle and an Adidas bag of non-sequential hundred dollar bills)
“The first thing any successful drug dealer needs to know is how to cut pure cocaine. You can use baking soda, Enfamil, chlorine, sugar…your choice. Each has benefits and drawbacks. A credit card (she holds it up) usually works nicely to get it done."
“Then, when the motherf******* come in wanting to buy, (she picks up rifle, aiming at host’s head)…point the rifle like so…at his dome, so when sh!t jumps off, you’re ready to squeeze off a few rounds if the ‘consumer’ gets a little froggy.”
(Show host signals to producers in truck with executioner slash across throat to cut to commercial)
Presently, Zuniga and seven of her “accomplices” are being detained on charges ranging from racketeering, drug trafficking, guns and money laundering.
Grand slam. Racketeering, drug trafficking, guns and money laundering. That's a round-tripper in the world of drug baseball.
Is it just Mo’Kelly, but if you’re living a high-profile lifestyle, one common to beauty pageant contestants, doesn’t that exclude you from excelling in the clandestine underworld of the drug trade? Celebrities don't make good drug dealers, and there are plenty of reasons as to why.
If you are a foot-soldier cutting product, cutting deals and popping caps in domes, doesn’t that mean life as a celebrity probably is not in the cards for you? Aren’t you just “slightly” more recognizable come the late-night meeting down at the docks or in the back room of some equally undesirable Mexican location?
(Two Mexican drug factions meet an undisclosed location in Culiacan. There is the stereotypical table, ammo and cash all cinematically positioned for review. Zuniga cuts open a brick of coke and inserts her pinky nail. Mo'Kelly translates their Spanish conversation for your convenience below.)
"Sh!t tastes right. Good product. We'll give you 18k per kilo...can you work with that?"
"Hey, I know you...aren't you Miss Sinaloa 2008? I remember your talent portion of the pageant...you rocked! The semi-automatic rifle did it for me."
"No, that wasn't me, besides I'm way hotter."
"I don't know about "way hotter," but you sure are way dumber. I'm a Federali and you're under arrest, Miss Sinaloa 2008. Should've stayed on stage in a bathing suit and heels; much safer there. You have the right to remain silent chica."
Props to the Latin drug queen. Nothing sexier than an amoral beauty queen who knows how to rob, steal and kill.
Uh, not really…
The Mo'Kelly Report is an entertainment journal with a political slant; published weekly at www.eurweb.com. It is meant to inform, infuse and incite meaningful discourse...as well as entertain. The Mo’Kelly Report is syndicated by Newstex and Blogburst. For more Mo’Kelly, http://www.mokellyreport.blogspot.com.
Morris W. O'Kelly can be reached at mokellyreport@sbcglobal.net and he welcomes all commentary.
2 comments:
Hi MO,
What exactly is a Hispanic? I hear people using the term a lot but I've yet to hear anyone give a resonable explanation of what a Hispanic actually is.
Also I've heard a little in the MSM about this story but can you imagine how much media attention a story like this would have gotten if it was Miss Black America.
Well in all fairness...she's not an American citizen, she's Mexican. So I can "understand" to some degree why it's not a big deal here.
As for "Hispanic" Wikipedia explains it best...
Hispanic (Spanish: hispano, hispánico) is a term that historically denoted relation to the ancient Hispania (geographically coinciding with the Iberian peninsula: modern day Spain, Portugal, Andorra, and Gibraltar) or to its pre-Roman peoples.
The term is now used to convey the culture and peoples of countries formerly ruled by Spain and still have a large Spanish or Spanish descendant presence and usually but not always, speak the Spanish language. These include: Mexico, Central and South America, the Greater Antilles, the Southwestern United States, Florida, the African nations of Equatorial Guinea,[1]
Subtract the non North, Central and South American components and you have "Hispanic America." In many ways it's the forerunner of "Latin American." In my experiences, the older generations still use Hispanic while the younger generations tend to use Latin.
Post a Comment